This article was originally written with “Why can’t older people stay at home? 10 tips to understand older people” title by Gulay Ozkan, GEDS Founder in Turkish and published on Medium in March 2020.
As young and middle-aged people, we do not yet feel loneliness, the loss of physical and economic independence, and the loss of social value in the community shared by the older generation. But since the outbreak of coronavirus, our parents, grandparents, and older people, in general, have suddenly become the center of attention, as they are potentially at the highest risk of infection and death.
Governments have strongly recommended that people over 65 stay at home. In some countries, like Turkey, they are banned from leaving home altogether. However, they haven’t listened to advice, certainly in Turkey and Italy, and have paid the price with their lives.
It is time we really need to understand old people’s psychology and communicate accordingly and effectively with compassion.
Over the past three years, I have led the design of a HORIZON2020 project in nine EU countries funded by the European Commission called MATUROLIFE, which aims to develop smart products for older people. During the project’s research phase, we talked to many people over 65 in nine countries in Europe. These stories made me think about my own aging and what awaited me physically, psychologically, and economically. It dramatically changed my view of my parents and all older people.
I revisited the outcomes of the MATUROLIFE project to understand older people’s needs and problems and have reinterpreted the results from a coronavirus perspective. Hopefully, they can help you empathize, understand, and communicate with your elder relatives, family members, community, and beyond, with compassion.
1- The Need for Attachment:
Older people find it difficult to find a place in modern society due to changing social values. When they also experience physical and emotional loneliness, their need for bonding increases substantially. Our research showed that although families in countries like Turkey and Italy take care of their older relatives more than the US or UK, for example, there are many older people living alone, especially in Europe. Social isolation and loneliness are already the norms for many older people, not just for the past few weeks. Asking them to isolate may cut off what few yet important opportunities for socializing they do have. So be sensitive to how you communicate this necessity.
2- Staying Relevant:
Many older people have a strong drive to overcome their problems on their own, be independent, and be a productive member of the community. Yet they are often disincentivized from achieving this by a range of obstacles, including a lack of suitable avenues, misperceptions of them by younger people, and their personal views of modern social structures. When we ask them to stay at home and do their shopping for them, however neighborly that seems on the surface, they might feel more irrelevant. For this reason, how we offer them help and what help we offer are very important.
3- Wellbeing:
Older people are already overwhelmed and fatigued by constantly monitoring their health and medication, and changing their daily routines accordingly. Even the healthiest young person is worried by contracting this illness and must pay close attention to their body’s warning signals. Now imagine the extra anxiety that older people feel. May share your own concerns with them but also listen to theirs so you can understand what they go through. It may be a relief for them to simply talk it through.
Image Credit: Jason Redmond/Reuters
4- Stigmatizing and Discriminative Language:
Older people we spoke to in Paris said they did not want to use technological products specially developed for them. They did not want to be stigmatized by their choices and would choose things that everyone else uses. These were the people who were part of the Silver Economy program which is run by French government to develop tech products for older people.
At this time, remanding older people that their immune systems are weakened and that the risk of death is high, we may actually increase this sense of stigma and make them feel more discriminated against. It may be more productive and comforting to say we are all at risk and we should all be very careful, not just over 65s.
5- Simplicity:
When talking to elderly people, remember that they often can’t cope with or would prefer not to learn new information, especially when it is complicated, and change their habits unless really necessary. They have a limited amount of life left and, like many of us, want things to be simple. Yet we are expecting them to change their behavior for complex reasons. Before we judge them, let’s think how hard this is for them to take on board.
6- Purposeful:
When we ask something from older people or design something for them, it needs to serve an important purpose in their life. It can be more effective to express this purpose and meaning clearly when we ask things about coronavirus as well, not just ordering or asking without explanation.
7- Informative Guidance:
The way we communicate to older people what they should do during the pandemic must support and guide them. It is more effective to suggest how they can spend time at home rather than just demanding they not leave home. For example, suggest keeping active, concentrating on hobbies, taking care of things put off for a while.
Another issue is to be able to provide clear guidance to all of us, especially older people. The media, particularly TV, has failed to give clear guidance. But our parents rely on TV for most of their information, and so many were late understanding how serious the situation is. For this reason, share information that will affect their quality of life instead of sharing gruesome videos or panic-inducing social media messages.
8 – Autonomy:
Being dependent on other people for basic needs scares older people the most. In order not to avoid this, offer the comfort that this is a temporary situation and that is why you are helping them do what previously were routine manageable tasks.
9- Economic Situation:
Older people’s economic situation is often more precarious than you think. Many cannot afford immunity supplements, surgical gloves, and masks, or even food. They may also not have easy access to money to pay household expenses. Even if they are your family, they may not be able to tell you because of pride. Ask them directly about what they need and help as much as possible.
10- Loss of Social Value and Uselessness:
Older people feel acute anxiety of worthlessness because most of them have retired and their active roles in society have diminished. Locking them at home during this period may increase their anxiety even more. They have no visitors, no one to cook for and no one to share with. For this reason, asking them for guidance on some issues for your own life, and deciding on some everyday things together can imbue them with a sense of purpose.
Finally, I would like to share something from MATUROLIFE research. One Belgian participant defined independence as being part of a couple and taking care of that person. We find strength in community and wisdom from our elderly.
Hoping to pass through this period easily and with solidarity.
@gulayozkan, March 2020, Istanbul
*MATUROLIFE is funded by European Commission with a 6 million Euro budget. The prıoject is commissioned to 20 organizations including GEDS from 9 EU countries by the European Commission and led by Coventry University. GEDS is the lead design company.
